shr1mpy
Member
Funny email at work.... thought I'd share....
> 1. Two blondes walk into a building .........you'd think at least one
> of them would have seen it.
>
> 2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana,
> press the hash key...'
>
> 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
> shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'
>
> 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day - but I
> couldn't find any.
>
> 5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
> in.
>
> 6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
> 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
> The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.
>
> 7. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
>
> 8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.. They lit a fire in the
> craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it.
>
> 9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
> with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
>
> 10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
> Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
>
> 11. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
> 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. '
> 'Is it common?'
> 'It's not unusual.'
>
> 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is
> there anything you can do for him?'
> 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
> So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his
> teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What?
> Because he's cross-eyed?'
> 'No, because he's really heavy'
>
> 13. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up
> my bottom.'
> 'How's that?'
> 'Don't you start.'
>
> 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
> 15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you
> give me a lift?'
> I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it..'
>
> 16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
> people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
> my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
> But I think it's Colin.
>
> 17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The
> other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard!'
>
> 18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
> and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
> one off.
>
> 19.. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
> They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So
> that was nice.'
>
> 20. A man walked into the doctor's, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in
> several places'
> The doctor said, 'Well don't go there any more'
>
> 21. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
> small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search
> and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that
> number to climb as digging continues into the night
> 1. Two blondes walk into a building .........you'd think at least one
> of them would have seen it.
>
> 2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana,
> press the hash key...'
>
> 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
> shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'
>
> 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day - but I
> couldn't find any.
>
> 5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
> in.
>
> 6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
> 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
> The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.
>
> 7. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
>
> 8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.. They lit a fire in the
> craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it.
>
> 9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
> with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
>
> 10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
> Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
>
> 11. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
> 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. '
> 'Is it common?'
> 'It's not unusual.'
>
> 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is
> there anything you can do for him?'
> 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
> So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his
> teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What?
> Because he's cross-eyed?'
> 'No, because he's really heavy'
>
> 13. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up
> my bottom.'
> 'How's that?'
> 'Don't you start.'
>
> 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
> 15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you
> give me a lift?'
> I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it..'
>
> 16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
> people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
> my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
> But I think it's Colin.
>
> 17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The
> other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard!'
>
> 18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
> and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
> one off.
>
> 19.. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
> They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So
> that was nice.'
>
> 20. A man walked into the doctor's, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in
> several places'
> The doctor said, 'Well don't go there any more'
>
> 21. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
> small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search
> and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that
> number to climb as digging continues into the night
