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Hi guys, I hope someone can help me. My turbo diesel 6 speed has always had the odd limp mode drama, generally after someone stalls it. Just recently it is becoming more an issue, or maybe not, I hope someone can tell me. When is 1st gear and doing a lower rev change up, it goes very flat and...

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that...

A man notices green lumps on his willy, so, off he goes to the doctor’s . “That’s serious” says the doctor. “You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears?” “Yes” says the man, nodding seriously. “Well” says the doctor, “You’ve got brothel sprouts.”

History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word: 10th - "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC 9th - "How the f*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC 8th - "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566 7th - "Where did all those f***ing...

A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding in a taxi. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the awnings. "Mum," said the boy, "What are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work", she replied. The taxi driver turns round and says, "Geez...

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, 'That was a very bad mistake. That was my...

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a...

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV. Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?" "Do what?" asked Mick. "Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after day, week after week. No matter if...

A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida , walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a...

Q. What do you get if you cross the English cricket team with an OXO cube? A. A laughing stock. Q What's the height of optimism? A: English batsman putting on sunscreen. Q. What's the difference between an English batsman and a Formula 1 car? A. Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both...

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbour’s dog.. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband...

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are at the pearly gates waiting to enter into heaven. St. Peter asks the first girl, 'Mary-Agnes, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?' She giggles and shyly replies,'Well, I once touched the head of...

Four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that...

Drover: "Give me three packets of condoms, please." Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?" Drover: "Nah.... She ain't that ugly."

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs. In her 20s, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but...

Golf and Whisky...... An 80-year-old Scotsman went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor was amazed at what good shape the old fellow was in and asked: 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?' 'I am Scottish and I am a golfer,' said the old fellow: 'and that is why I am in...

3 old men were sitting out front of the nursing home talking one afternoon. First old man says to his buddies, " My prostate is a mess. What I wouldn't give just to be able to take a leak when I wanted to." Second old codger says," You ain't got it so bad. I'm so constipated I haven't had a good...

SIMPLE TRUTH 1 Partners help each other undress before sex. However after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed. SIMPLE TRUTH 2 When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats". But, none...

An Irish patient who hobbled into the Surgery waiting room."I hope to God the doctor finds something wrong with me because I'd hate to feel like this if I was well!" Murphy dropped dead the moment he arrived home from a vacation in the tropics. He was laid out in the coffin for friends and...

What happens when you get blonde genies? A white guy is walking along southend beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three...